This World
by RipJawWolfFang
Summary: "There's a lot of things Mello docent see, how close I came to ending my life today is just one of them." Matt loves Mello who is neglecting him, he feels alone and isolated from everything he cares about. Without even knowing it a frantic phone call from the blond saves his life. Or is it just delaying the inevitable? MelloXMatt. Mafia Explosion/Mellos recovery. Angst. Yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

This World #1

Matt's POV:

It's been a long time since anything in my life went as I expected. I suppose I never planned to be anything or anyone to begin with. Maybe that was my problem? Maybe if I had planned my future out like Mello and Near, maybe if I had tried to become L myself, I wouldn't have had to live this pitiful life the way I am now.

Don't mistake me I don't regret following my best friend all this way, not for a second do I blame him for any of this. This was my fault, I was the one who stayed quiet about my needs and wants while Mello chases his dreams. After all if I spoke up maybe he wouldn't have joined the mafia in the first place and then I wouldn't be here all alone in our empty apartment day after day watching security videos and eating Cheetos until my brain shuts down from boredom.

I reach for my game boy slowly.

It's been two weeks since Iv even seen the blond fire ball and I miss him. I know I shouldn't be worried, I can see him on the security cameras half the day after all. It's just that I don't like what he is doing. This is a dangerous, stupid, arrogant thing for Mello to do. He thinks he is invincible i'm sure! The way he struts about the headquarters like a bloody leather clad peacock! One bullet is all it would take to put his dreams and ambitions of beating Near to an end. Mello docent see that though. Mello will never see that.

I pause and let out a sigh, picking up my gun rather then my game.

There are a lot of things my beautiful blond docent see. He docent see how much he hurts me, or how lonely I am. He docent see how much I hate myself and how deep it cuts me when the first time he comes home in weeks he curses me for messing up his security tapes he wouldn't have at all of it wasn't for me. Most of all he docent even have a clue how badly it kills me inside when I have to watch him screw random women in the mafia base just because it is what is expected of him. Heaven forbid he look gay.

I snort softly at the thought. Mello would hit me if I ever said that last part aloud. I was the only one that ever knew the truth, and I promised I'd take that secret to the grave with me.

With any luck, 'the grave' won't be far away and he won't have to worry about his dirty little secret.

I put the gun to my head and take a deep breath. I thought about, you know, moving to the bathroom to blow my head off. I don't really see the point though, it will make just as much mess no matter where I do it. It only matters that all this... This bull shit... It will finally all be over. I won't have to worry about my blond anymore, it's not like he needs me anymore anyway. I won't have to wake up every day hating myself, and fall asleep every night crying as mello fucks some brunet he spent the last few weeks getting STI tests done on so he could drag her to the base and make a big show of his manliness without getting AIDS or something. I don't know why he bothers, if anyone else found out the effort he puts into picking his whores they would laugh him off... Or at least they would laugh until he shot them.

Looking at the screen I can see Mello sitting there coolly against his desk. He won't know... He won't find out for days...

I smile and close my eyes, pausing for a long moment just to go through all my goodbyes in my head. I don't know how long it took me but just as I am about to squeeze the trigger my phone starts buzzing.

Ignore it Matt. It's not important. I tell myself over and over again but I sigh and open my eyes. The screen I was watching before is now fuzzed over with static.

That's weird? It's probably why mellos calling.

With a loud huff of frustration I pick up my phone and flip it open. "hey mello, I know the systems gone down I'll fix it in a se-"

"m-Matt..." the broken, pained sounding voice rings out from the other end of the line. "h-help..."

"mells?" I put the gun down, forgetting about suicide the second I heard mellos voice. "what happened? What's wrong?"

"ehh! " I hear him grunt, and a loud crashing sound before the line cut off and I'm left sitting there wondering what the hell I just heard.

"Mello! Mello hang on!" I scream at the phone and get up off the lounge, grabbing my keys on the way out the door.

There's a lot of things Mello docent see, how close I came to ending my life today is just one of them. 


	2. Chapter 2

This World #2

Matt's POV:

Never in my entire life has going at least 20 miles over the speed limit ever felt so god damn slow!

Speeding towards the mafia base, avoiding cops and near horrific accidents while running red lights and stop signs. It's starting to feel like one big, horrible game of grand theft auto. Maybe it is? Maybe I'm asleep and just dreaming I'm in one of my games? It wouldent be the first time. Quickly I shake that thought off though, there is no way any of my dreams would ever be this god damn realistic.

Car wheels screech to a stop when I slam my foot onto the breaks. I could see the fire even way off in the distance, even though this place is in the middle of nowhere I just know the fire-brigade is probably on there way along with the cops.

With that thought in mind I jump out of the car and rush into the burning building without a second thought for my own safety. I guess the blond really is starting to rub off on me after all.

The air is thick, toxic with the smoke of the burning wreckage. I'm thankful for my thick boots and jeans for once as I feel the heat radiate off everything In my path.

"Mello!" I cry out, hoping for a reply I deep down knew I wasn't going to get.

Pushing through the flames and the rubble I make my way to the room I know he was in moments before the screen went blank, but he isn't there. He must be close though, he wouldn't have been able to run that far would he?

A deep rumbling aftershock echoes through the building as more of the roof comes down around me. I get more and more frantic in my search as time goes on and it gets harder and harder to breathe. I try to stay low as I run, low and away from the deadly smoke. My heart slowly sink with the realization that if i'm having trouble breathing Mello has probably stopped.

"Mello! Please dear god answer me Mello!" I yell as I run down the narrow hallway leading out the opposite way to the way I came in.

I don't have to run far before my road is somewhat blocked off by a fallen beam and rubble. Im almost about to climb over it when I see the hand from underneath it. Its not so much the hand though that sends my heart slamming even harder against my chest, it's what it's holding.

Mellos rosary...

"Mells! Mello can you hear me!" I call out as I try to dig the body out frantically, regretting leaving my gloves behind as my cut and burnt fingers slow me down.

It takes a long time. Almost to long of a time to free the blonds body from beneath the ash covered ruble. More of the roof is coming down, I can tell from the way world seems to shake beneath us. Slowly I reveal a hand, his arm, the back of his head then his chest and legs. As soon as he is uncovered enough to move I roll him onto his back roughly.

"shit... I'm... I'm so sorry..." I'm to late. He is burnt and crushed so badly and his skin is a horrible, bloodless, ghost grey where it isn't covered with angry red cuts and burns. "i'll get you out of here mells..." I whisper to the body in my arms. Stroking his undamaged cheek for a long moment before getting together the courage and conviction to lift him over my shoulder and run from the burning building with as much speed as I used to get in there.

I'm out of the building before I even register how badly I'v started coughing, just in the last few minutes my adrenaline seemed to dip back and leave me feeling much more helpless then I had even when running into a collapsing building.

My tears start escaping as I pull open the back door to my car, gently laying the blond down across the back seat. He looks broken, helpless in a way Mello just never was.

Grabbing my water bottle from the cup holder I bite my lip and carefully start pouring it over his wounded cheek. I just want to clean him up a little, make him look a little less like a corpse.

Suddenly there's a deep, sharp, painful intake of breath from the blond below me and I jump back. My head collides with the roof of my car and I yelp loudly like a wounded dog but before the stars even fade from the impact i push my head to the blonds chest.

Thud thud. Thud thud. Thud thud.

Weak rapid heart beats over soft, almost silent breathing that docent let his chest rise or fall normally. Something inside me deep down curses him for being still alive. It yells and rants that now he is suffering and will only die later if I take him home. That part of me however is drowned out by the overwhelming feeling of relief.

"your stronger then I gave you credit for mells..." I whisper and pour the water over the rest of his side, trying to cool the painful burn. "gotta get ya home okay? Hang in there until them, if your going to die you'd rather do it in bed at home then in the back seat of my car right?"

Looking down at him I gulp down my rising nerves and do something I never dared to do in life. I lean down and kiss the blonds forehead. a soft, tender kiss.

"just hold on." 


	3. Chapter 3

This World #3

Matt's POV

The drive home is much slower then the one it took to get to the burning building. I can hear the sirens scream by as they rush to get to the base still so far out of there reach. No one is left alive there, I don't know why they even bother there so slow about it. Or maybe I was just a lot faster then I realized?

I have to drive carefully, getting pulled over now would be bad, not to mention if I so much as go over a speed bump to fast I worry it will shock the little blond enough to have his heart stop.

I keep my hands to the wheel and my eyes to the road. I don't want to look to the back seat, not yet, not when I can't help him. The idea that I should pull over in the bushes and climb into the back seat to start mouth to mouth crossed my mind. Thats what was the biggest threat right now after all, the smoke in his lungs could claim him now while the burns and other injuries would take hours or even days. If I did do that though, what good would it really do? Even if I did clear his lungs and get him to breathe deeply it would be at the cost of valuable time that he docent have, and that's if he didn't quit on me, or become dependent on it which was more likely. Still, I wanted to.

I pulled into our car park and quickly got out of the car, climbing in and leaning over him again. I could check for a pulse but his neck is pretty torn up so I settle for putting my head to his still covered chest and listening once more.

A sigh of relief escapes when it seems nothing has changed, he's still hanging on, that's the main thing.

Slowly, carefully i gather him up in my arms, bridal style this time I know he is alive and I'm not in a huge rush to leave a burning building. I need to take the time to make sure I don't do anymore damage this time so I can afford to hold him more delicately.

Pushing the door I hadent bothered to lock open with my foot I slip inside, taking mello to the bedroom but only getting as far as the door. No... I shouldn't lay him in bed... If I do it will be harder to give him CPR... Was I going to give him CPR? Wouldent that be cruel? For what, a 4% chance of recovery? Less? I shake the thought away, I'd think about that when and if it got to that point. I'll just have to move him off of the bed again.

I lower my best friend down slowly onto the blankets, taking care not to touch his wounds more then I need to.

Finally I can start trying to pull off his clothes, though seeing how there melted to his skin I make a quick run to the kitchen and grab both a new bottle of water and a pair of sharp scissors before starting the horrendously slow process of cutting the leather off of my Mellos body. It comes away slowly, in some places easier then others. It seems the burn goes from his hairline all the way down his chest, his shoulder and a good chunk of his back. The skin there peels away like goo as I pull the leather from his body.

I can't help but gag slightly. The smell and the feeling of the mushy melted flesh is to much for me. Video games and horror movies did nothing to prepare me for this.

I reach again, leaning over the side of the bed and puking into the trash can. Fuck mello, if you wake up from this I'm never going to let you live it down!

After I compose myself again I pull down my goggles. not that seeing better is something that I really want to do right now but there getting a little hazy with tears. Then I cut way his pants, which is much faster as its not welded to his skin from the heat.

"why don't you ware god damn underwear?" I sigh trying not to touch my best friends junk while I pull off his pants. Near death or not I'm sure if he knew. Was stripping him he would have a gun pointed at my head faster them I could say I'm sorry for anything!

I turn back to his stomach and chest. Bare without the vest now I can see it rise and fall which is comforting but I know I need to check for internal injuries as well as I can. Slowly I straddle the blond and put my hands on his chest putting careful pressure down and feeling for broken ribs. He dose have a few... At least one that's bad enough to feel pointy bits jutting out just under the skin. It's not as bad as I had thought though. Not that it means he isn't bleeding like a sieve on the inside bit it's a start.

Now... How do I bind his wounds without the bandages sticking to him? 


	4. Chapter 4

This World #4

Mellos POV:

The first thing that comes to me is nothing but the sound of muffled sobbing. Words I can't make out weaved together by whimpers. That's all I hear for a long while, just listening to the voice i don't understand in the darkness.

Then slowly I start to feel things again. The bed beneath me, something warm laying at my side. A soft kiss to the cheek, a loving touch that lasts seconds yet leaves me tingling for ages afterwards.

Slowly the voice starts making more sense, bit by bit, peace by peace, word by word.

"love... Mello... Don't... Please..."

Its Matt's voice, I know that much, but I don't understand why he is crying and I cant make sense of what he is saying yet.

"just... Up..."

'what?' I asked in my mind, wishing I could somehow ask him what he was going on about.

"just wake up..."

Slowly I crack open my tired blue eyes, though all one of them sees is a huge white blur. My mind starts ticking over as the throbbing in my side takes over. A dull, painful ache that hurts all the more when I breathe.

I was running... I got burned... Then the roof...

I remember everything slowly. I thought for sure I was going to die when I called Matt, laying there on the floor waiting for more rubble to come crashing down.

As the vision in my good eye returns I cast my gaze around the room. It's my bedroom, thats easy enough to tell from the lack of video game posters plastered to every available space.

I couldn't see Matt, but I could feel him, his arm was draped over my waist and his face was crying warm tears as it nuzzled against the good side of my cheek.

I must be pretty horribly burned for him to be upset like this... I haven't seen Matt cry since... Well since we left wammys...

"m-m-ma-tty?" I rasp out, realizing just how raspy and thin my voice sounded and silently cursing myself.

"mells!" before I knew it the warmth shifted and deep green eyes starred down into blue, sparkling despite bing wet and red with tears.

He was worried about me. He still is worried about me. My lip twists up slightly in a weak little smirk.

"y-you lo-look l-like shit."

Matt's POV:

Looking after Mello every day this past week has been so exhausting. All I could do to stop him from dying on me was wrap his wounds in god damn plastic sandwich wrap then wrap the bandages over the top to stop the wounds sticking to the gauze and then ripping off all over again every time I changed his dressings. Not that I can change it often anyway with how sick he is. Every movement, even changing the dressings, could cause him to go back into shock and die in my arms. He is just that weak.

Still, now, looking down into his one visable blue eye after so long thinking he would never wake, I can't help but smile and snort laughter when the first thing he says is how shit I look!

"mello..." I lean down and stroke his unininjured cheek. "your really awake?"

The blond looks up at me and nods ever so slightly, smirk still firmly on his lips. Of coarse Mello was smirking. even now he must be in pain, confused and hazy from the medicine, I would have thought he was brain damaged of he did anything other then smirk and tease me.

"your an ass hole then." my smile turns into a smirk of my own and I softly bat at his cheek like I'm going to slap him.

"you... L-love...me..." his eyes softened and finally he smiled back, a small, weak smile, but an honest one.

"yeah..." more then you will ever know Mello. 


	5. Chapter 5

This World #5

Matt's POV:

As the days slip by mello seems to perk up at least a little. Looking after him gets easier and easier as time goes by to. Now he is awake I can get him to drink and eat soup, which is loads better them trying to pour it down his thought, I was worried I would choke him eventually, and vary nearly did a few times.

Slowly I lay back down on the bed at my best friends good side, daring to close my eyes for just a moment.

My own hands are still burnt, cut and torn, and its undeniably uncomfortable for me to do much of anything. Even playing my video games hurts now. At least I have Mello to keep me company.

It's nice waking up every morning and knowing he will be there, laying at my side and sleeping peacefully. I missed having him here while he was off using the mafia every day and had no time for me. He can't talk much, not yet anyway, but I get no less excited when I see his visible blue eye open.

Slowly I open my own eyes again, checking to make sure my tornado of a friend is really asleep before slowly, carefully wrapping an arm around his waist.

Mello let out a soft, content sounding sigh but thankfully stayed fast asleep. Ofcoarse he is asleep! I have him on so many pain killers he would sleep through an earth quake! At least that's what I tell myself as I close my eyes again.

I don't even want to think about what my Mello would do if he woke up and found me cuddling into him like this. Probably laugh and tease me. Or would he be mad? He seems to be so angry at everything since joining the mafia, though now he's sick he seems to be more or less back to being happy. Well that's probably the shit loads of stolen morphine.

I snort a little laugh. Well its not like he can kick me out of the house. If he did he would die of dehydration since even with me here I have a hard time keeping the fluids up to him. Mello is a lot of things, but he isn't that stupid that he would die of thirst rather then get a hug from his oldest friend.

Soon sleep starts to eat at the edges of my mind and I give a louder then intended yawn, kissing my friends cheek softly.

"good night mello." I whisper. "I still love you." 


	6. Chapter 6

This World #6

Mellos POV:

"I'm ugly." I almost hiss, dropping the pile of bandages from my face to the floor and for the first time catching sight of myself in the mirror. The horrible, jagged scar wrapping the whole left side of my face, neck, shoulder and right down to my hip.

"it's not that bad mells." Matt tries to comfort, a hand finding my shoulder.

"not that bad!" I can't take my eyes off of my reflection, not that I can see much of anything out of my left eye anymore. "I look like a fucking freak, Matt!" I snap back, unintentionally harsh.

"I think it looks cool..." the redhead gives me a mischievous smile. "you could be in a video game!"

I snort and give my friend a shove out of my way. "whatever."

Matt's POV:

That marked the end of the time I got to spend just enjoying mellos company. Seeing his own face seemed to make him more depressed and angry then ever, and he just didn't seem to want me around anymore. So I spent more and more time in my room and less and less time with him.

When I did sit down with the fire ball he would get angry with me for the smallest things. Even just looking at him made Mello angry now.

Knowing that I slowly slink out of my room to sit on the lounge beside him, the way I did every day. Somewhere deep down I guess I'm still hoping my best friend will calm down and just enjoy being alive again. Slowly I relax back into the cushions, though my peace docent last long.

"get up!" mello snaps, angry glare in place. "your sitting on the fucking remote!"

"oops, sorry mells." I quickly get up and grab the little black box, trying to find the channel he was on.

"stop! Just... Just give it here!" Mello snatches the remote from me roughly and by accident I break the unspoken rule between us.

I paused and starred at the scared blond, mostly out of the shock of having something torn from my hands. Before I even realize what I'm doing wrong the blond grabs me by the shit and pushes me to the ground, letting my head slam into the floor.

"owe..." I go to rub my head but he lifts me up and pushes me hard down again, a sure sign I'm meant to stay still.

"don't fucking look at me!" he snarled like a wild animal caught during a meal. " did you hear me? Don't!"

With that he let me go and stood up, flopping back down in his place on the lounge as though nothing had happened.

I lay there, frozen in place for the longest time. Mello had never once been so rough with me before.

After what felt like forever I got up quietly, slinking back into the bedroom like a beaten dog. 


	7. Chapter 7

This World #7

Mellos POV:

As the hours slip by guilt creeps up on me.

I over reacted... And I probably hurt poor Matt's head pretty bad.

Its not that I'm ungrateful for everything he has done. The gamer saved my life after all. There's no way I would have lasted until the ambulance got me, and even if I did Kira would find me in the hospital and I'd be a dead man.

Not only did Matt save my life he treated me so well while he did it. The whole time I was bedridden he cleaned my wound and bandaged me up, gave me sponge baths, fed me. He rubbed my head when I was feeling sick and made sure I was never in to much pain, even if he couldent alleviate it fully. God damnit he even slept at my side and I know for a fact he cuddled me when he thought I was asleep. Probably just to calm himself down though. I know the whole thing traumatized the redhead more then he let's on.

After a good three hours of internal debate and as the sun starts to set I sigh and get to my feet.

I have to apologies. I know he didn't mean to make me feel self conscious about my scars. I don't really know what drove me to act that way. Iv never been rough with matty, not once in my life have I ever treated him like that before. Others sure, but never my Matt. Hes all I have.

I walk to the bedroom door, the confidence gone from my step. Taking a deep breath I knock slowly. It's strange not to have the sound of Matt's video games or loud music radiating through the apartment, but I suppose even he can't play with his hands still sore.

"Matty, can i come in?" I ask quietly, waiting for my friend to answer.

A few minets go by and I get tired of waiting. I groan loudly and push the door open anyway. Worst comes to worst he will be laying there batting off, it wouldent be the first time Iv caught him doing that.

I look around slowly. Where is he?

"Matt?" I walk around the bed slowly, I can't have frightened him enough to hide from me can I? "Matt are you in here- Matt!"

My whole body turns to stone for a moment when I catch sight of my friend crumpled over on the floor. His whole body is convulsing and there's vomit on his lips and all over the ground beside him.

I shake off my moment of panic and get down next to the redhead. God he is having a seizure! Locking my fingers in my scruffy hair for a moment I force back the fear and then quickly pull his head onto my lap so it isn't hitting against the floor.

"shh... Your alright matty..." I whisper, looking around the room and quickly taking everything in.

He's obviously fallen out of bed, the covers are nearly pulled off of the bed on this side, so he probably dragged them down with him. The lights are turned off so he was obviously intending to lay down, if not sleep.

I cast my gaze to the night stand. There are a few orange bottles, knocked over with the caps off. Slowly I focus my gaze, trying to get my one good eye to work in the low light.

"shit!" those arnt his sleeping pills! There my god damn pain medicine! Damnit he KNEW that This many drugs would kill him!

"why would you fucking do this Matt!" okay calm down mello, calm down and keep him breathing.

I compose myself once more and start clearing the vomit from his mouth in the moment of gasping between fits. Some of its already absorbed for him to be overdosing like this, but hopefully vomiting it up will save him.

Pushing my fingers down his throught I try to get him to puke the rest of the pills up before he starts fitting again. The boy beneath me gags, shakes and heaves up frothy yellow flem, chunks of what he ate floating in it along with, thankfully, a few whole undigested pills.

Before I can celebrate however he tenses and then then starts convulsing once more. His whole body seems to shake and his hollow, open eyes roll up into the back of his head.

I know he isn't breathing, the whole time he is seizing he isn't breathing, but I can't do anything more until his body stills again.

I run my fingers through Matt's soft, shiny red hair. All I can do is comfort him through this. Try to make him feel warm, loved, safe. If he just gives up he is as good as dead after all.

"shh... Your safe... Your alright... Iv got you..."


	8. Chapter 8

This World #8

Mellos POV:

"come on Matty!" It's getting harder and harder to watch. The longer he stays like this the more frightened I become by the whole thing, and the weaker he gets. I keep a careful eye on the time, there isn't much I can do if the seizure lasts to long and his brain starts dying, but at least I'll be ready for it then.

Slowly the redheads body starts to relax into my grip and I quickly take my chance to scoop him up and carry him quickly into my bedroom, laying him on the bed carefully.

"wait a second okay?" I whisper, looking down into pinprick pupils and wincing slightly.

No doubt Matt thought some ridiculous amount of morphine would do him in painlessly. I don't think he ever thought it would cause seizures like this. Hopefully there's some Naloxone in the stuff he stole, but he wasn't intending to overdose me and probably thought he would never need it.

I grab the huge duffle bag zipped up next to my bed and start unpacking everything, mentally cataloging everything that we have left.

One bag of Iv fluids, more bottles of morphine, a resuscitation kit, about 6 rolls of bandages, Matt's very cleaver sandwich wrap, a good 20seringes, heat packs, burn cream, a stethescope and a scalpel.

All this shit is compleatly useless! Even the fluids he probably needs will do jack all without a way to get them into him, and as luck would have it there isn't a single damn catheter here! I shouldn't be supprised, I'd imagine stealing from hospitles without getting caught is trickier then it sounds.

I'm just about to get the second bag when matty starts making a funny, wheezy, gasping noise and I quickly abandon the supplies to get back to his side.

"shh." I try to sooth, dispite not being the most relaxing person to be tending to a dying boy. "deep breaths..."

I take the gamers hand in my own and give it a little squeeze. He really is dying, and if I do nothing he will be gone very soon. my right hand runs down to his wrist and try to feel for a pulse but there isn't one. It docent supprise me, his blood pressure is probably very low.

There is another shudder and for a moment I think he is about to go into another seizure but instead he just gasps.

Grabbing the stethoscope next to me I quickly pull off his striped shirt and put the cool mettle to his chest. While Matt was treating me he always warmed the end with his hands for a few long moments before putting it to my skin, I wish I had the time to return the favor to him.

The sound alone brings tears to my eyes. He has already inhaled vomit, I can hear it in his lungs, and his heart is very weak and rapid.

"don't do this to me Matty..." I catch myself saying, tears running down my unscarred cheek while the other eye is just flooded from damaged tear ducts.

I grab the second bag off the floor, starting unpacking that onto the bed next to the first. It seems pretty grim at first, most of this stuff I ether can't use or don't know how to use properly and could end up killing him faster then the drugs, soon though things start to look a little more promising.

Along with the breathing tube, AED and a few things I'm not even sure what there meant to do, there's antibiotics, a packet of catheters, alcohol swabs and what I am most thankful for; Naloxone, to reverse the morphine.

I know it's not the only thing Matty has taken, but it's what he has taken the most of, and with this he might have a fighting chance.

Grabbing one of the syringes and the little vial, i stab the top and drawing back the plunger until the whole vial is sucked up into the needle. I don't know if this is enough, but anything is better then nothing.

I put the needle aside and grab a bandage, quickly tying a tight strip around Matt's arm, trying to make teens veins pop out a little more. It's hard to find them when he has such low blood pressure anyway, and it takes two good jabs and a lot of cursing before I get it into a vein and slowly squeeze the medicine into his bloodstream.

"come on! Come on!" I demand, wanting to speed up the process somehow as I pull the needle out and put my thumb over the hole it left.

Once I'm sure the bleeding has stopped I pull off the bandage and tie it around his other arm, leaning over him in the bed rather then getting up and walking around. It's even harder to get the catheter in then it was to find a place for the needle, but as soon as I hit blood I heave a sigh of relief. I need to bring his blood pressure up or he wont make it.

As I'm about to hook up the fluids the body beneath me goes onto another fit. Tears that are already flowing start to run faster while I try to roll him on his side and protect his head.

"god... Matty..." I choke, something in me feels like its breaking with every convulsion. "just hold on..."


	9. Chapter 9

This World #9

Mellos POV:

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding as Matt's third seizure of the night ends with a deep, husky sounding moan.

"good boy Matt..." I whisper in a soft, quiet voice I haven't used since he was only small and having so many nightmares he couldn't sleep without huddling into my chest and having his back stroked.

As soon as the shaking dies down completely I get those fluids hooked up into his arm, bandaging the catheter into place firmly. This should help keep him going until the counter drugs kick in, but it's no good just dripping into him slowly for my purposes so I take the clear bag in hand and squeeze it, trying to create a steady flow and hopefully bring his blood pressure back to something survivable.

"your doing so well Matty, just focus on breathing." i force a calm over my body so he can't feel how frightened I am.

I reach down and carefully stroke his cheek, leaning down and letting my lips rest against the gamers forehead while I keep up the pressure on the bag with my other hand.

Somehow I just know Matt can survive this... He just needs a little encouragement.

Matt's POV:

Everything is a great blurry mess of colors and sounds that I can't make two cents of at first.

What's happening to me?

I can't seem to remember at all now. Is that really important now anyway?

Shifting uncomfortably I give a few loud coughs and moans as something, someone lifts me up and cradles my head to there chest like a fragile china doll.

I can hear there heart beating, hear there breathing. It's the most soothing sound in the whole world to me and finally I let my eyes slip shut.

"no matty."

The voice breathes, hot in my ear. It sounds frightened and small, no more then a whisper, but I know who it is. There's only one person on earth who calls me matty.

Mello.

It has to be him! Only he has ever called me that, though it's hard to believe its him from the way it sounds.

Warm fingers run through my hair and across the cheek not pressed into the blonds chest. It's so comforting against my cool skin I lean in slightly, earning myself a little laugh from my friend.

"your just like a little kitten matty." he whispers, voice taking a teasing tone though still not above a whisper. "please hold on."

As weak as I am I can't help but let myself go limp in his grip after only a few seconds of nuzzling into him. I'm certain he thinks I died in that moment because I feel his whole body tense and he pushes against my neck roughtly, trying to find a pulse in his usual far to fast to be gentile way.

I try to let the blond know I'm okay, trying to make anouther soft sound, but suddenly I find myself unable to breathe at all!

"Matt! Matt come on!" I hear mello scream and he gives me a light shake, trying to get me back. "breathe! Breathe Matty!"

The heat from beside me, the warm feeling of haveing been cradled against the wirl wind that is mello disappears as he lays me back in bed.

The crazy swirls dancing through my mind start to fade, fizziling into darkness.

Am I dying?


	10. Chapter 10

This World #10

Matt's POV:

As the world seems to collapse around me I twitch, struggle and fight to draw in breath that just won't come.

Mello puts a hand on my forehead and under my chin, tilting my head back to try and let oxygen in but it's no good, I still can't get my chest rise. I'm a goner, I know it.

I let myself relax and say my goodbyes. I can't fight it, I won't fight it.

It's over.

I'm sorry mello, I really do love you. I wish I could have seen you take out Near and become the next L. That's all you ever wanted isn't it? Never a single thought to anything like a relationship, or family, or settling down. It's all about beating Near and catching kira. I promised I'd help you, I promised I'd be your eyes and ears while you manipulated your way to the top. I suppose your all alone now, but youl be okay mells.

Suddenly there's warm lips on my cold blue ones and my whole world lights up in a flash of heat that rips through my chest, forceing my lungs to expand and the darkness to recead.

Mellos POV:

"Come on Matt." I whisper and stick the patches for the AED on my friends bare chest. His hearts still beating, but I want to get ready for anything.

It only takes seconds to get ready and turn on, then I go back to Matt, not thinking as I push my lips to his a second time and flood his body with anouther deep breath.

I watch as the boys lungs expand and my tears run down and splash onto his cool, pale cheeks.

I'm so sorry Matt. I never meant to drive you to this... Maybe if I had listened to you when you tried to talk to me all those times you wouldent be laying in my bed, dying after trying to off himself. In the end of my best friend dies here, it will only be my fault.

I give anouther deep breath. His lips are so cool to the touch... Maybe If I rub his chest and start to warm him up he will do better?

Slowly I start rubbing his chest with the hand not pinching his nostrils shut while I keep the oxygen up to him. I won't stop until he dose, I won't let him go without a fight!

As the time starts ticking by and I start to become more and more upset. I'm almost pulling my own hair out when the body beneath me shudders and gurgles, coughing heavily as his lungs start to work on there own.

"Matt?" I yelp, shaking his shoulders lightly, "you awake Matty?"

There is a moments pause but then my friend takes another deep breath and opens slightly more alive looking eyes.

Softly I stroke my friends cheek as he starts to rouse. His eyes really are beautiful now his purples aren't dilated down to nothing. If I told him that more often, let him know how much he meant to me and how special he is, would he have thought twice about ending his life so early?

"m-mello?" a quiet voice escapes after a long, strained silence. He is struggling just to breathe even now.

"I'm here, Iv got you." I whisper back and pull him into my arms once more. "I won't let you go."

(((not sure how much I like this chapter... Please review if you like it XD )))


	11. Chapter 11

This World #11

Matt's POV:

Its so exhausting just to breathe that all I can do is lay in Mellos arms, gasping and struggling.

Not that I mind, it's comfortable just laying here with him. I've never seen this side of him before, the way he softly strokes my hair, kisses my forehead and whispers those comforting words into my ear, so close I can feel his breath on my cool skin.

I get so exhausted and am in so much pain now I can't help but hold my breath every now and then as I cough and choke, and every time Mellos reaction is the same. Those tearful eyes close and he puts his forehead to mine. He's preying for me, I know it, even though my friend lost his faith long ago he is still preying a silent prayer I will recover.

"breathe Matt!" he orders, tilting my head back a little and I let myself exhale sharply only to suck in another gasp and hold that to.

He's getting more upset I can see that. Hell! I can feel it! He grips me just a little tighter every time and his hands quiver as they caress my cheek.

"are you in that much pain?" he almost whimpers out the words, his voice shaking more then it did when he was sick. "come on, breathe!"

I frown and slowly look down over my body; pale skin glistening with cold sweat in the moonlight. At least he had the sense to turn the light off to spare my throbbing head. I must look horribly weak to him right now; even if he docent point out how shit I look like he would normally, I know he is thinking it.

I struggle hard to push back the pain and breathe normally, which would be impossible without my friend there comforting me. I can focus on his touch, on how I have always dreamed he would hold me like this, rather then on the discomfort.

"Mells..." I manage to mumble though I'm not quite sure what I wanted to say in the first place. Maybe I was just making sure it was really him being this frightened and careful. It just wasn't like him.

I'm still not clear on what happened. I think I remember him shoving me and then scampering off to my room but after that it's all a hazy mess. It's probably for the best anyways.

"yeah?" he whispers back, leaning in so his perfect, warm, unscarred cheek once rests against my neck.

"Iv always loved you."


	12. Chapter 12

This World #12

Mellos POV:

What? Why would he say something like that? After all these years of knowing my Matty, why on earth did he come out with something like 'I still love you' now!

My eyes look down into his, confusion filling my entire expression. I'm not sure how well my moods come across now my face is half blown off because he doesn't even flinch and my questioning gaze.

Oh! He is still high!

I snort a little laugh and kiss his forehead, letting myself relax again. He is probably so off with the pixies he is just saying whatever comes to his mind, like the boys at the base who came in so drunk they didn't even know who I was when I pointed a gun in there face. Of coarse he Loves me, we have been together through so damn much! Where closer then brothers though... Sometimes... I wish we could be even closer.

It's not a good idea though. Things between us can never work out. We would be happy together I'm sure, but with kira and... And all the death and pain that follows me... It would only make it all the more painful if we lose...

I had already considered the possibility my matty may die before me, even before this little overdose. I always considered the mafia might turn on me and use him to get what they want then feed him to the sharks...

That's always been in my mind, but I've always done my best to stop it! The biggest part of me stopping it is sacrificing what I always wished we could become...

It was a hopeless dream anyway...

Matt is straight... Well I admit he has never told me that... I've caught him watching porn though! More specifically some odd japanese animated girl on girl thing... It was actually pretty frightening... God I hope we don't end up in Japan, his whole room will be flooded with that shit and I'll have to look at it! I prefer his link posters! I'll even go so far as to buy him Pokemon charts like a damn five year old if it stops him from putting up pictures of naked chicks!

Though now that I think about it... I've caught him with the guy on guy version to... Though he did say that it was only put there to tease me...

Wishful thinking on my part.

"I love you to matty." I whisper truthfully and kiss him as softly as I can manage. I've never properly kissed anyone before... I sure as hell don't kiss those damn hookers!

It's nice... It leaves me wanting more...

I can't though and I won't! He won't even remember this, but if I full on assault his mouth I'm sure he will, off his face or not.

A thought slips into my mind that I do like however. I can still get just what I want without doing anything my little redhead doesn't.

"hey, I'm going to give you a sponge bath okay?"

(sorry about the short chapter! I've been feeling a little uninspired because I can't rp much ATM... I have one rp partner who I love to death but she is only on of my mornings (because she lives in Canada and I live in Australia) and man have I been bored and uninspired without constant ideas flowing (I make fics like this one out of ideas that I don't feel fit into our rps XD kind of like someweird overflow system... I'll try hardernext time I sware!)


	13. Chapter 13

This world # 13

(Sorry about how long it took me to get this up... I don't really have a good excuse... Sorry XD love me anyway? This one will be short to XD I just need to start again somewhere!)

Matts pov:

Mello can be really gentile when he wants to be you know? Like right now he is slowly rubbing me down with a warm cloth. It felt so perfect, so soft against my skin. The blond slowly washed the sweat off from my shuddering body and wiped the vomit for my mouth.

It was nice, really nice, the whole lot of it. I could just lay back in this bed and enjoy this for hours.

I let my eyes close and give a soft content sigh. I'm sure everyone would say I'm mad, that Mello is an abusive ass hole; They would be right to, because he can be, but that's not really who he is. Mello is just my oldest friend, damaged from years of following the only life that would see him able to avenge the worlds greatest detective.

I can see past all that in moments like this, and maybe, just maybe, we can be a family again?


End file.
